when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
