Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
