oh god the rape fog is back!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize