Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
