my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
