I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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