I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
