Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
