Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
