just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
