I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
