Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
