It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize