Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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