oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
