he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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