would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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