About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
