why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize