there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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