just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
