In the future we'll all be gay
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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