You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
