I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
