Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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