you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Houston, we have a blender
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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