Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
