yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
