I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
