The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
