'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
