So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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