i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
