I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
