Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize