When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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