Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
