I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
