we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
