Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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