You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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