We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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