What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
