you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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