so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
