it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
