if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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