May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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