Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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