yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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