from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
