in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize