I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
