i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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