I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
