I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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