I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
