So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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