I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
