I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
