I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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