I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
