So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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