I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
