dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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