you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
