Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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