wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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