Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
