is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
