I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
