Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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