These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
