I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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