i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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