i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize