weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
