she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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