I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
