whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
