hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As shirtless as possible
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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