why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
