I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
