dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
