I think im going to throw up on grandma
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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