Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
