So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize