I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize