smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
