Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
